I was filled with a lot of anger
Before coming to the church, I was a girl who had a lot of anger inside of her. Growing up dark skin was very hard because I got bullied a lot and this caused me to believe everything they were saying.
I even remember the first day when I told myself “maybe what they’re saying is true”. From that day onward, I started to build up a self-hatred towards myself. I never used to believe people when they would tell me that I’m beautiful because I already had a mindset that I was ugly. There was even a time period in my life where I even thought about killing my self. I even tried once by trying to stab myself in the chest but it failed.
I grew up in a diverse family. Both my parents were of two different faiths. My dad was a Muslim and my mom was a Christian and that was one of the reasons of their fallout.
I grew up in a household where my parents were fighting all the time. There was a time where the fighting became so bad that my mom ended up living in a shelter with us to get away from my dad. All this plus the bullying caused me to not be good in school. I was having trouble learning new things because I was never focused. And I would easily forget things. I used to be a troublemaker in school by starting fights between two people. When my mom brought me to the church, I didn’t like it but I really liked the YPG. So I started coming to the YPG and there I learned more about God and also about the baptism of the Holy Spirit. But it was very hard for me to change because I didn’t know how to start and I was afraid of change. I wanted to be used by God but it was very hard. There would be times where I would get so angry at God because I always heard that God knows who you are even before you were born. And I used to get so angry and I would even scream at God telling him why would he still put me in this world if he knew I was going to get bullied and if he knew I was going to have a hard time at home and school. I would get so angry that I used to scratch myself and hit myself.
I would always hear people tell me that To listen to Gods voice but I was getting frustrated because I didn’t know how. Months and months pass by and I was still the same.
Then a year passed by and I was still the same. Then one day, I started to take my spiritual life seriously. I started to focus on God and push to get to know himself more. During the 21 days, I was always thinking about God and really listening to whatever was being said in the services. I did purposes. And I even learned how to pray during the 21 days.
After, I had my encounter and ever since I’ve changed a lot. I’m much happier, I no longer am insecure, depressed, and have a bad temper. My communion with God is great! I am now happy all the time. I’m always smiling and I can say that I feel like a different person.