Seeking to fill a void
I lost my mother due to cancer when I was eighteen, that’s when I became depressed. I felt like I was at the very bottom I could possibly get because she was the one I depended on. I felt empty, sad and just felt that the world was ending for me.
I use to cry myself to sleep and honestly, I didn’t think I could feel better after that. All I could do and wanted to do is sleep. I had a void inside of me. One that I tried to fill through a marriage. I got married very young, only a year after my mother passed away which only brought even more problems. We use to fight all the time, it wasn’t just verbally but a lot of the times it was physical. Several times The police use to show up at our apartment complex because the neighbors would report it due to the screaming and the banging.
After we fought all I could do is cry, I didn’t know what there was to do. My only method was to cry and to wait for Thursday nights to come around and the clubs were open. I would go to clubs and drink, not just one or two, but four, five or six. Whatever it took at that time to make me feel better.
I would do that from Thursday through Sunday and when Monday would come around and I would wait for Thursday to come around again. The fights never ended. I ended up losing my job and eventually found another job which I lost as well. Losing my second job caused even more problems in my marriage for financial reasons.
I felt worthless, that I couldn’t do anything right. I felt sad, the depression was getting worse. I was always known to be a happy person. People use to tell me all the time I must have a really good life because I was always smiling. I didn’t like people asking me what I was going through. I wanted to keep that to myself and just cry. I didn’t really feel like anyone had an answer.
The first day I came to the church is was on a Friday on a day of liberation. The pastor actually came up to me and he prayed for me. Everything that he was praying for was exactly what I was feeling. I remember I cried a lot. On the first day I came to the church I felt peace as if a burden had been lifted.
I began going on Mondays to seek for my financial life, Wednesdays to seek for myself and Fridays to free myself from all the depression I was having for several months.
I overcame depression and sought God even more. And now I have peace inside of me. Now, I have a career, I’m a physical therapist. Everything has been getting better. I didn’t have a house before. I always lived with family members. Now, I have my own house and a Mercedes. Everything is just so much better. Regardless of all the trials and tribulations. I’m happy and I’m always at peace because I know from where God took me out of. He’s always there to help me to overcome my problems and I’m always happy.