Can a 5 year old have depression?
My name is Treicy Hernandez, and I am 24 years old.
For 13 years I felt rejected, unloved and unwanted. My mind was full of negative thoughts taking control over me. One of them was grudges. I hated everyone and didn’t love the people around me. At the age of two, my mother moved to a place far away from me to make a better future for both of us. However, I didn’t know it was going to be the beginning of all the problems in my life.
I began to have suicidal thoughts at the age of five and tried to kill myself multiple times. My parents decided to separate before I was born. I remember crying a lot because of my “friends” at school bullied me because I didn’t have my mom.
It was difficult to have my mother in another country. I went through misery and at times I didn’t have anything to eat. There were things that a child should not go through. I would never forget when I wanted to kill myself so bad because I didn’t want to live. I took the pillow to prevent myself from breathing. It’s crazy because you cannot do that with a pillow but at that moment I just wanted to stop feeling the way I was feeling; rejected.
I wasn’t receiving the love that I wanted from my mother so I tried searching for love in different people. I bearly received emails, letters or messages from my parent. Not having this communication with them made me very sad.
I also had sickle cell disease and had to take medication every morning, I couldn’t miss any day. Which basically meant I had to take medicine for the rest of my life.
At the age of 13, my dream was to kill my mother. I wanted her to feel the same pain that I was feeling. I tried killing myself but it didn’t work out. So I thought that by killing her, it would resolve the problem. I thought to myself how I would rather go to jail and be by myself since that’s what I wanted to do; not be around other people.
People always looked at me as an orphan. They looked at me like “oh poor child”. Throughout my childhood, I always went to different churches but I refused to have a relationship with God because I hated Him.I never gave value to myself and always followed the crowd, I even began to dress provocatively. All I wanted was people to show me, real love, not just be with me only because of the situation I went through.
I use to hate God because I thought He let everything I was going through to happen. He’s allowing me to be sick, to be an orphan, to have depression, suicidal thoughts and to hear voices. These voices would tell me to kill myself and because of this, I had many nightmares of dead people.
So, why would I want to have a relationship with God?
In 2008 I got bit by a dengue mosquito (mosquito-borne viral infection). After a week, I was feeling a lot of pain and started to have a fever and I knew there was something going on with my body. When my family brought me to the ER, the doctors told my family I was very sick and had to stay in the hospital so they can treat me. The next day I felt even more pain and I remember telling the Doctor I felt a lot of pain. He told me everything was going to be fine. They kept telling me the pain was going to go but I continued to feel pain. And they said okay, just don’t close your eyes, just stay with us, stay with us.
In a couple of seconds, my whole life flashed through my eyes. In a matter of minutes, I knew I was dying but I didn’t want to die.
The next day, they brought me into intensive care. I asked them if everything was okay but they didn’t tell me anything. I eventually stopped hearing anything they were telling me because I was falling into a coma. I stared at them but it was like I literally wasn’t there anymore. The doctors told my family to prepare for my funeral.
In that moment, my body was there, but my soul wasn’t there.
My aunt, the one who brought me to The Universal Church came, and she told me; listen Treicy, the only way you are going to get out of this situation is by giving your life to God. And I looked at her and thought to myself, give my life? I didn’t believe that God could do something like that. However, hearing her was already a miracle because I couldn’t hear anyone else only her voice.
I thought, if I can hear her, it must be a sign that God was showing me.
I realized that I didn’t have anything to lose. My life was going to change, or just remain the same. I decided in that moment to give my life. I gave a sincere prayer and told Him “I don’t know you, I don’t believe in you, in your power, but I give my life to you. These people talk about miracles, about being healed, a restored family, so I want that in my life”. After the prayer the next day I got out of the intensive room. The doctors were amazed.
Today, after 10 years I’m here, alive, and the biggest blessing was when I received the Holy Spirit. I learned to forgive myself, to love myself and learned how to love others. From that moment on, I realized I didn’t need anyone else but the Holy Spirit. My desire was no longer to kill my mother, but to save her soul and save other peoples souls.
Soon after, I met my mother I thought it was going to be easy because I had changed, but it wasn’t. However little by little, she started to change and so did our relationship. Today, I have a great relationship with my parents, with my family member and everyone.
If you are in the same position I was, God is there with you. There were many times God showed His power in my life but I was never paying attention. If you are going through this situation; you feel rejected, an orphan, have grudges and hate people. Make the same prayer I did to God, ask for forgiveness and forgive other people. You will see how beautiful you will be inside and outside.
I know there are many youths going through the same thing I went through, but I know that God is going to transform your life just as he transformed mine.