I was extremely suicidal

I was extremely suicidal

My depression began as a child. My father abandoned my family, and we were having a rough time. I didn’t know what was going on, but I had a giant space inside of me and thought it would never be filled. I looked okay on the outside, but inside I was bad. It was like a terminal illness that no one could see. The depression escalated to the point where I was extremely suicidal. I would hear voices in my head that would tell me “If you do it, the pain would stop. If you really want peace, just kill yourself!” I attempted suicide in the eighth grade by taking an entire bottle of pills from my parent’s house. Luckily I threw them all up, my stomach couldn’t handle it. 

My second suicidal attempt was when I totaled my car, it was completely destroyed. I remember waking up at the scene of the accident, and all I thought to myself was how terrible it was to be still alive. I put a pistol on my mouth two separate times. The first time it was dawn, and I was up all night crying. I couldn’t do it; something stopped me. 

The second time I tried, but the pistol didn’t work.

My life is now completely transformed. I don’t have that empty feeling I had in the inside. Before I had to pretend I was happy, now there is no need to pretend. I actually feel happy! 

– Kimberly Garcia 

   

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